If Jesus told me to go, would I go?
If Jesus told me to pick up nothing and step out into the world, would I go? Would I go knowing that I was leaving my dear family who has sacrificed so much for me? Would I go knowing that I was leaving my mom who has spent hours on her face for me and that Jesus would win my heart? For my dad who has prayed faithfully for me everyday, who taught me to play catch and what it means to be a man of integrity? Would I go knowing that I was leaving my twin, my best friend, my womb mate? What about my sisters who have both made dents in my life in ways that no one else ever could? Would I go knowing that I was leaving behind friends who have shaped the way I walk each day and who have spent countless hours praying with me and laughing and crying and living life with me?
Sometimes I like to look in the mirror and proudly boast, “of course I would.” I mean, seriously, I’ve prayed that prayer, I’ve sung that song, I’ve read that verse… wouldn’t I go? Other times I sit and hide myself in a corner because if I go, then I won’t come back and I know that. If I say yes to God, if I fall to my knees and proclaim just as Isaiah so humbly did, “Here am I. Send Me.” then there is no turning back.
I have even been arrogant enough to teach on Hebrews 11 to my youth group and about Moses and how “he went out, not knowing where he was going.” If I was Moses and God told me to go, would I have gone?
Would I go although I would be facing unknown lands, unknown people, unknown languages, unknown finances, unknown safety, unknown comfort, unknown shelter, unknown success, unknown education, unknown food?
Throw away all the expectations and the way I should choose. Throw away all the ways people around have taught me to react and how the church leaders think I should choose to use my talents. Throw away all pride, all self-righteousness. Throw away everything except the choice of whether or not I will go. Can I step into a world unknown? Can I trust knowing that this could cripple me? Can I go not even knowing if I’ll have the money? Can I go not knowing whether or not I will ever see my family again, my friends again, my comfort?
It all comes down to the simple and pure realization that I am known by the King of the World. I am held in the hand of the same Being who created the Universe. I am sung over by the God Almighty. I am healed by the Great Physician. I am loved by Abba! by Father! I am led by the Spirit of the Living God. I am breathing by the divine breath of Yeshua.
On my own, I could never go. The only way I could ever and will ever step out into an unknown world is when I finally see that I am truly known even in the midst of the dark and unsettled horrors of humanity. I am not strong enough or righteous enough to go. I can not pay for myself or fend for myself or fight for myself or sing for myself or dance for myself or love for myself or laugh for myself or breathe for myself.
I am His and only by His unrivaled, violent, beautiful, and scandalous Grace will I ever be able to go.